Friday, December 29, 2006

My "Chur-a-kah" (turkey) Done in a AMAZING new recipe I dreamed was stuffed with onions and tangerines, and smothered in butter...then baseted with martinellis, then glazed with apriocot jam...and i broiled it on low for the last 10 minutes so it was crispy and sweet

Cheers! (we all 12 fit)

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Our Family (click on pics to see more detail)

My Gorgeous Boy - 8.5 months

My Beautiful Girl...its all about the pose - 3.5 years

We had a great and wonderful Happy Christmas.

It was everything a Family New England should be(and isn't that really the standard, even for a southerner like me)?

- We had 12 people nicely spaced around a big old brick house, with the coffee and popcorn and fireburning around the clock...
- we went to a stone church built in 1846 for midnight services and ended it in candlelight on christmas eve,
- we had a big brunch and a bigger dinner, we got silly presents, and some expensive ones thrown in...
- the children got so much they couldn't sleep right for days...
- santa visited (on a firetruck, apprently a new england thing) and scared Grace and excited James...
- we've talked and laughed and taken mucho pictures...
- we went to one of the most exclusive restaurants in NYC (the four seasons)...
- we went to radio city music hall christmas spectacular (in which James shook his hands and screamed in delight, if he isn't a famous linebacker, he might be a dancer or santa anyway)...
- we walked though rockefeller center late at night and heard the bells of st. patricks as we gazed on the huge tree...

aside from the fact that I have a nasty cold, we are having an awesome christmas.

i will post more later, but here is one of my boy, having an excellent time...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

I should be working...I should be writing and doing things that need to be done. Instead I'm pondering all kinds of stuff.

Things I want to do in the next oh, 20 or so years :-)

1. I want to have a Gallery Show. Real paints and prints and such. I will do this even if I have to rent the D$#% thing out myself. hahah, I hope. This, of course would require having time to BE creative and all that jazz. I find it bubbling up here and there, and it will come. I can feel it.

2. I want to make a book. Books are one of my first and most enduring loves. So, I will make my own book. It might be a childs book, it might be a home design book, it might be a (bad) poetry book, it might be a photography book. I dunno yet, but I will put it together and publish it here: That is one of the coolest things I have ever seen in my whole life. You can make your own, really great looking book. Hot.

3. In my big dreams I am an interior designer. But who, what, how? I dunno. I have been slowly moving toward my "next" career phase and I feel like it might have something to do with design.

Friday, December 08, 2006

At 30 years old, I am:
- A Mom. With a capital "M". Full into Mommy duties. I feel like I am finally IN my life, and not waiting for it. I have two little souls who are the center of my thoughts, and the reason for most of the things I do. And sometimes I worry that I am short with them and not loving and encouraging enough. I need to stop more moments and listen to my daughter tell me WHAT that imaginary (stuffed) rabbit Cumberlowe is up to (they have a phone relationship), and to hold my giant 8 month old son...just hold him and remember what he feels like.
- A Wife. For almost 10 years now. I've been a good one, and sure, sometimes a bad one. I have gone from being a spoiled and scared 20 year old who was concerned because this busy new world was way too hard to figure out to a slightly more wiser 30 year old woman who knows exactly where my priorities home with my family. I'm working not not expecting as much as partnering. To let my needs and wants be known, and to work on a plan so that they get met, but don't override my partners.
- A daughter and grand-daughter. I'm learning to not be so much a child in this relationship, but to be a caretaker also. The circle of life continues, our parents become our friends, and our grandparents become our responsibility. That is what makes a full and content life, understanding and knowing that you have a role in other's lives. A role to support them, love them, nurture's not just for them to do for you as was done in the childish past. One big and important thing I have learned from my husbands family is support. I honestly never knew the european idea of family and I think that Americans are cheating themselves. We have our kids, give them to others to raise (not my parents thankfully), boot them out the door at 18, then spend our later years in a "old folks home" because we have taught them that their lives should be too busy to center around their family. We are also a nation that moves...we don't keep our family around us anymore. Our options are almost too open. What is really the most important thing? Because of medical issues in our family this year we have really had to pull together. Be there. It's important.
- A Christian. I'm still working on my definition of this, and I don't spend enough time on it. But here is what I've figured out:
"This is what the Lord requires of Thee, Do Justly, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly with thy God." I try and think on that every single day.

Ok, this rambling will continue...I've got a dirty, cranky baby screaming "MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA!!!"

Monday, November 06, 2006

Too much to say and not enough time and energy.

It's funny, I have been tired many times in my life. But never have I been as tired as I have after having James. Sometimes I think I must have cancer or some horrible thing. I know I dont...but even after 8 or 9 hours of sleep Im still so tired until the early afternoon. I will have my blood thyroid checked sometime in the next week and hopefully that will give a clue.

Its almost the holidays and I am not even close to being ready. Sigh.

Ok, good things are happening, i will be pleased with this moment. its beautifully sunny outside. my husband is home (with no job) and we get more moments together.

I have wonderfully cute children who are healthy and happy.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Look at my babies...they could be twins!



Monday, October 23, 2006

Bloody Hell. (That is my favorite expression that I try HARD not to use in front of my kids. but I like it.)

I've been wasting an enormous amount of time in front of this computer doing NOTHING I am supposed to. Nothing. I have read blogs, and rummaged around Ebay, and done bloody hell nothing at all. Its now after midnight. sigh.

My house looks like a mad train went through it. Not a nice, straight train that would cause only damage in its wake. No siree, its a MAD train that went in concentric circles all around dropping bits of stuff everywhere. "Isn't that a FINE idea" this mad train said to itself (otherwise known as my family), "let's just drop stuff wherever we remove it and let it lie there forever".

I MUST write one, at least one, tonight. I will not go to bed until then.

Tip of the Day (yes, this one is for you dear reader): If you have WAY too many family photos and you want to make some display sense of them, try these tips:
1. Go to a discount or craft store and buy all the same frames. They dont have to be EXACTLY the same, just the same look. (Gold, Silver, Dark wood, whatever, just the same)
2. Pick a few (I SAID FEW) areas of your house to display family photos. I generally don't like to put them out in the areas we use for entertaining. That is what nice photo albums are for (yes, in my dreamland, they are all nicely in beautiful photo albums, but at least try to keep 2 if you like to show off pics). We currently are going to use our upstairs hall for our gallery. It's okay to have a couple of places, just don't hodgepodge them all over the house in various nooks and crannies and in all different frames.
3. Create a gallery. Use your "sameframes" (see #1) and place them in a pleasing collection on the wall. Scan and reprint if need be to get them to similar sizes. If hanging less than 7, use odd numbers. If more, go for the grid with even. (If you are me, I am going to use 20, and rescan them all to black and white.)
4. In the bedroom (or if you MUST put snapshots in the common rooms), pick a couple of simple, quality frames. Then swap out the display pictures regularly. I use two 8 x 10 thick dark wood frames in our bedroom and change the kid's pictures as I get new ones. That way I have my darlings there, but am not overwhelmed with them. I also get the pictures for these frames in Sepia usually.

Ok, Thats it for tonight. If only I didn't have to sleep and everyone else did. THEN I might stand a chance of getting everything done in life that I want to. I'm feeling kind of repressed creatively. I got a new camera today, I can't wait to play with it. I also just want to paint, and draw and go outside and shoot some artsy shots of my babies. I just have no time. I think that is what I am going to ask for my 30th birthday. TIME! (I wish) No, I am going to find a arty class once a week and ask DH to please take the babies that night. I really need an outlet to fulfill that part.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

today will be a good day.

I am making the choice right now.

I will stop when I feel overwhelmed and just breathe. I will take the time to help my kids when they cry, whine or scream instead of feeling like I can't do it all.

Today I want to accomplish 3 things.

1. Clean out the office.
2. Do some yard work.
3. Hang at least 1 picture.

Ok, those are my goals. We will see how I do.

Tip of the day: Group the stuff you like together. If you collect one thing (or maybe you don't KNOW you collect, look around) group them together for display. This makes your clutter-you-can't-resist into a honest to goodness display. Find a glass case or old bookshelf you can paint a accent color on and put it all together. It's the collections in a home, wether they are pictures, carvings, books, boxes, that make it interesting and unique.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Ok, in the spirit of what my sister is doing (on her blog, she is giving tips) I am going to give tips about what I know about...which I am going to limit to 3 categories that I think I'm pretty good at. (Being a Mom, Graphic Arts, & Home Design) Since I have approximately 1 loyal reader, its going to be of course more for me than anyone else. But it's good to put it all together.

But first, things I want to remember today:
1. The way my son's cheek felt when he fell asleep on my shoulder. I kissed his cheeck and just held my mouth there and closed my eyes and tried to remember the baby softness, the joy of a little body, his tiny arms around me and exactly how good he smelled. THAT is the reason to be a mom...the indescribable potential gathered close to you.

2. That my daughter loves me so much it impresses her. That's great. I don't know if I blogged about it, but I love that.

3. That today my daughter starts ballet. She is no longer a baby, but a little girl with dreams and she gets scared of the dark and monsters and is way too much like her mommy in that she scares herself in her head far more than anything OUT of her head. I can't wait to see her in that little tutu. (MUST GO GET CAMERA)

4. I dont want to forget how excited i was when i found out I was pregnant. That wonderful buzzzzz and excitment and scared. I don't intend to ever BE pregnant again, so I want to remember.

5. I want to remember the way my husbands green eyes shine and his dimples come when he is happy and smiling right into my face. I am beginning to see small lines, and more stuble and a little age showing...but it honestly makes him more appealing. We have been together since we were teenagers, and I still feel that little "KICK" in my heart sometimes when he looks at me. THAT, I dont' want to ever forget or loose.

6. The way my son nurses very early in the morning, snuggling that little body right up to mine and putting his hand on my arm. He closes his eyes and just sighs with contentment when he snuggles down. I usually end up very uncomfortable, but its still the best thing in the world, and honestly the only reason I am still nursing.

7. My little girl's elfin face. When she is laughing and giggling and looking at me, her little cheecks are perfect. Just perfect. And her little ears are round, and her hair is wavy and all around her face in ringlets. There is NO more beautiful girl in the world. I actually see myself as more beautiful because I can see some of my features in her.

8. The warm feeling of my dog. At night when im tired and reading a magazine or a good book...just the simple company of another being in the quiet. And to know that being the center of that world is a good thing.

Thats for now. Just the top of my head. I need to stop. think. appreciate. my life goes by too fast, and I collapse in tiredness at the end of the day. I need to just remember every detail because it all happens too fast. I was telling my husband that we should hire someone to follow us aroudn with a camera so we could have these days.

Ok, quick tip for the day:
- Since I am a southern lady, I believe that it's nice sometimes for my husband to come home to a good meal. If I have not had time to get started and I hear him coming, I throw something in a skillet with olive oil. Onions are the best, but if you are REALLY late, just put in some onion flakes and roasted garlic...then some bread. Brown the bread and then mix up a can of mushroom soup and pour over top. This takes literally about 5 minutes and I haven't met a man yet that didn't like it. Steamed veggies (or raw if you are REALLY pressed for time) completes a fairly decent meal. Grate some cheese over top if you aren't "reducing". Serve whatever juice/water/ sparkling thing you have in nice glasses, even if you are eating off of paper plates. The things you place in your mouth should NOT be plastic or paper in my opinion. Most of all, greet him with a kiss and say "Welcome home, I am so glad to see you". Even when I am upset or not happy, I try and do that. It says that they mean enough to you for you to stop and recognize that they are there. Watch yourself, do you do that for your loved ones? Recognize that they are there? I know I didn't until I actually made a point of it.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

"The primary findings of this study are that the stimulant
MPH and the selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor
ATX have similar effects on cortical inhibition (SICI) in
children with ADHD, and that the dopamine transporter
influences the neurophysiological effects of both medications.
SICI, a measure of cortical inhibitory activity that is
reduced in ADHD (Moll et al., 2001) and correlates inversely
with ADHD symptom severity"

Make sense to you? Yeah, me either. Problem is, this is my job to not only UNDERSTAND, but to regurgitate (what a word) it out into a small, neat, understandable abstract that Doctors (specialists with Many Many years of training) will like to read and understand. So, that means that I (without the Many Many years of training) will take something long and hard to understand and make it short and interesting for specialists. Oi. The good part is that I feel very smart and accomplished when I finish my packages, the bad part is that I feel very stupid and overwhelmed while I'm doing it.

What a bad night last night. I went to sleep at 2am, which isn't that bad...but then husband snored and tossed and turned and muttered and yanked covers, and then baby got up at 4am and tossed and turned and yanked covers, then the girl got up at 7am and "read stories" in our bed loudly. I just didn't sleep more than 45 minutes at a time, and the sleep I got was perched on the corner of the bed. Oi. Such is the life.

A good note, I bought the Dyson is freakin awesome. This thing gets out dirt from like 1999. Well, maybe not that long (we bought the carpets last year) but it gets out HUGE amounts of scary stuff. Love it.

On a bad note, the carpenter said that the beams UNDER the bathroom we are working on are rotten. Does that mean that the NEW PIPES have to be removed for them to be fixed? We have already removed the brand new floor to get at the rotten pipes. Oi.

The good news? My daughter told me she "loves me so much she is impressed". I love it. That has to be one of my favorite quotes yet.

More good news? Coffee exists. Thank God.

Bad news? All the hard work I'm writing on is not getting paid. Sigh. It's hard to keep doing stuff that is so difficult and not get any money out of it.

Just news...Steven got a new assignment, better money but longer hours including some Sundays. He will be working 60+ hours a week. OUCH. I just love being a single parent sometimes, but I know we will ge through this. I have to do my part when he is working so very hard. I'm hoping that God will send us a great investment opportunity. And no hubby dear, it's not the racehorse you wanted to buy half of. (Buying Horse semen, HELOO, NOT A GOOD INVESTMENT unless you really really know what you are doing. Although after all these Gene studies and several years of IVF you would think I did. hehehe.) My DH has the soul of a gambler as they say. All part of his charm, but thank goodness he is also a christian and we do not live anywhere near Vegas.

Dont you hate it when something is on backorder and you really really want it? I had convinced myself that I could just find something as good but I cant. So i wait. BAH! Hate waiting!

The boy has taken to LOVING toys and has 7 official teeth. 7. Before six months. Rack 'em up, James is taking his little world by storm. He also screams MAMA, which I take to mean me.

My world is funny, confusing, loving, tiring, frustrating and absolutely beautiful with these little babies and a wonderful husband. (Whom I might add, had his Yankees win the first game of the post season. uh, yea?)

Saturday, September 16, 2006

life is stressful.

Reasons why:
We are between houses. Stuff in one, in the driveway, in the basement, just not in the rooms. Sleeping with 2 babies in one bedroom of a crowded apt. with 1 bathroom. 4 adults, 2 kids and a dog. I had a fluish thing yesterday and no one cared. Not one person said "i'm sorry you feel like crap and are taking care of two kids.". I have a deadline in 3 days and no time to do it. I have floors that are not dry for 2 days now. I have 25 pounds that need to go bye bye and we subsist on tacobell, pizza and chinese food. My thyroid is all out of whack and i have no time to go to the dentist, the dr., etc. I dont think people realize how crappy I still feel after bedrest and childbirth and IVF, etc. My body just isn't back to normal and I get sick and tired so much easier. But I feel like they think I'm complaining if I say I'm tired or sick. We are in the midst of tearing out a bathroom that we were just going to take the wallpaper off. Husband thinks its all my fault. BLEECH.

Ok, must think of reasons why life is good.
We have a house we like, even love. It's getting close to being done. Kids are remarkably well adjusted and healthy even though life has been hell for 2 months. Poor Girl is still not out of diapers or paciy, but I can't push one more thing on her. Husband still says he loves me. :-) Even though we need to find time for each other.

I need a shower. Perhaps that will help. Of course, I have no clean clothes to put ON after the shower, but who cares? :O

It stopped raining, which is a plus.
I miss my friends and sister, I need some destressors in life. I feel overwhelmed right now. I know it will get better soon.

I hope.

Monday, August 21, 2006

My life is insane. I have been traveling, with a 4 month old and a 3 year old for the better part of a month. Literally. And the few days that we were home, we packed, moved and sold our house. My kids don't know where we are, where they will sleep, where the next meal is going to be eaten. But they seem in remarkably good spirits.

Right at this moment there is peace. Quiet. I'm at my parents in Michigan and everyone is asleep but me. I finished my first round of writing for MediMedia, and wow. I actually enjoyed stretching my brain a little, but writing a LOT of about things one knows NOTHING about is challenging. Especially on a 2 week deadline in which you move, take care of your kids, stay with your inlaws and fly half way across the country ALONE with 2 babies, and then stay with family. Perhaps a little more than I should have taken on at that time, but wow, I DID IT! Hopefully it didn't stink.

I went to a BUCKLE store today! Yea, only my fav. store of all time now. My sister turned me onto it and I absolutely adore it. I want to take the whole site for myself so NO ONE ELSE CAN WEAR THEM. My sis has the bestest jacket in the whole world. I tried to steal it but she found me out. Sigh. I asked her to find me one and she couldn't. Sigh. I have talked about that jacket for months now. I tend to get obsessive about things. But the store was fun, and I surprised my Mom by buying her a jacket she saw and wanted and leaving it on her bed. I like doing things like that.

I've been picking out the color scheme for the new house. Lots of fun, but involves very intense thought. Im not even joking, I have probably put about 20 hours of thought into it. But im close now. Very close. :-)

I should go to bed now. I should...but I think I will go troll the buckle site for a few minutes.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

We moved! As in closed on one house and are staying in my in-laws apt. right now. Tomorrow morning I'm flying ALONE with two kids to Michigan. Ugh.

Attached are a few pics of my kids. They just crack me up. You can see that James has hair in one of them and now has none. That happened in like 3 weeks.

Enjoy. heheheh.

Monday, August 07, 2006

ok, never mind, the link below doesn't work. but here are some pics (the comments go with the picture underneath, I dont' have time to fix the HTML right now, we are moving tomorrow.)

Front of House

Dining Room (they are taking the chandelier)

Kitchen (they are taking the table)

Grace's Room

Guest Room (needs paint, eh?)

Living Room

James' Room

Saturday, August 05, 2006

oh dear goodness...

we are moving in like 3 days and I like to pretend that ITS JUST NOT HAPPENING.

we are committed to BUYING a MILLION DOLLAR HOUSE. that alone scares the bejeebees out of me. that sounds like an awfully lot of money and its a good house, even a very nice one but it is by no means a mansion or new and its right accross the street from a school. ny is crazy.

i dont want to go on vacation. i just got back. i want to be home where i can recharge a little and relax a little and maybe cook dinner. cook dinner? what's that? I have 3 plates and 1 skillet. my daughter knows how to order from a waiter and give back menus and asks which fork to use. we are creating a monster.

sigh. my watch STILL hasn't turned up.

but i have started on this house's inspiration book.

i started lists in it. I HATE plastic. Plastic forks in particular. I LOVE white fluffy towels. but who does not really?

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Here is where I will have a good closet full of clothes that I love and that will fit me and that I will be a size 8 that is just on the large side, and I will complain that I might need to buy a size 6. Oh, and high heel shoes that are super comfortable and a bag collection that will be awesome (and not covered in milk) and a bunch of pretty diamonds and a cartier watch. :-)

Or maybe just where we might be happy and content and nearer our church and jobs. And hopefully not too close to NYC enough to get bombed. A great bag won't hurt.
Oh My.

My life has been one horrible, insane, and happy ride since I last posted.

The horrible part. My dog died. My beloved little Yorkshire terrier. Kacey M. Sikora. He was born on April 4, 1997 and passed away on July 21, 2006 at about 3pm. I didn't get to say goodbye. *()&^*(&%^*^%^^&% traffic. The vet called us from NYC and said we needed to get down there as soon as possible. We had no idea it was that serious, so we jumped in the car and didn't make it. I had a panic attack while saying goodbye to him. Felt like I was choking and couldn't breathe. He died from a collapsed esphosogus (I know, i can't spell and I don't care). They were able to make him comfortable with muscle relaxers and an oxygen chamber but it just wasn't enough. Rest in Peace my beloved dog. You made my world feel safer and happier just by being in it. I will miss you for the rest of my life. Tears.

The insane part. My son is 3 months old. He has been in Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, Georgia, Tennesee, Delaware, Maryland, D.C., Colorado, Arizona and who knows where else. The majority of that has been within hte last month. My daughter wakes up and asks where we are. She came home last night and said we were "staying in our old house and not another hotel, huh?". This will be our "old house" in exactly 1 week from today. This house has been my shelter through loosing 3 babies, countless rounds of IVF, IUI, frozen cycles, many shots and their outcomes, a 5 week hospital stay, 4-5 months of bedrest, crying so hard on the floor I thought my heart could never recover, throwing up so hard on the floor I thought my stomach was surely gone...and bringing my two miracles home and gazing in their eyes so hard that I thought heaven must be in my living room at 3am in the morning. Seeing countless sunrises through gritty eyes as a baby is nursing or eating yet again. Learning what family really, truly means when you call at 8pm on a Friday night and they come. to stay. for 4 months. just because you are their family. when your mother flies in to stay. on and off. for 4 months during a horrible illness and a phD. just because she is yours and you are hers. when your husband stays every single night in the hospital next to you AFTER working all day and driving home to put your daughter to bed and then coming all the way back to try and make you smile. so you aren't going through this alone. that you have family that brings a 2 month old and their 2 year old and your sisters and pizza to party in the maternity ward to make you have one moment of smiling. this house has seen a lot of my life. it has been a good house. we don't know where we are going.

The happy part. Very good, close friends got married. John & Hazel: July 23, 2006. David & Belinda: July 30, 2006. Lovely, different weddings. Happy moments. My favorites: Hazel & Her Dad dancing. Such emotions in moments. "Little Ashley" singing and the look in everyone's eyes. My daughter dancing her BOOTY off. Having the time of her life. Seeing all the people that have been so important in my life over the last 12 years make time to just BE THERE. no matter what.

We are looking for a house we might buy. I like it but it's expensive. Expensive enough it makes me nervous. We shall see.

Life is a roller coaster. The bottom drops when you least expect it, but the highs are top of the world. Corny, yes. True, yes. I'm trying to gather all the moments together to look at later.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Well, the pretty house below just didn't work out. We had it inspected, and it leaked from top to bottom...literally. The top roof tiles were shot down to the below grade cement in the basement and the pipes had holes. It was a mess. The boiler worked for 1 minute, made a big bang and shut off. The windows are summer windows and storm a house. Even the front door was warped and leaking. Did I mention it didn't have a fridge? Not even a place for one. The fridge would have to go out in the mud room. Just too much for us to do right now with a almost3yearold and a 3 month old baby.

So now we are back to square one. looking. looking....

do we rent? is that the smart move? do we buy so we aren't paying some one else's mortgage? i dunno. its all so expensive and it just seems like going backwards to live in an apartment.

im a mess, my house is a mess, my kids are a bit of a mess. sigh.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Well, yesterday we got back from TN.

We had a great time, but it was short and very busy!

I got a stomach flu/ sore throat that lasted about 20 hours. The bad news is that Steven had to stay home from work, the good news is that since I was so sick I did okay in my weigh in.

I lost 2 lbs. But I have to admit it was probably more a function of the flu than being good. Oh well, whatever works.

I'm posting because I am avoiding doing my packing. I hate moving. Sigh.

Friday, June 30, 2006

I hate airports.
I hate planes.
I hate airlines.
I hate the whole freakin mess.

We missed our plane by 1 minute. Yes, literally, 1 minute. We were there the "hour early". We waited in line like good little people. And the B(*(*^(*^%% at the gate would not hold the plane OR our seats for one more minute.

We are going tomorrow. We are home today. Husband said I could take a nap and then promptly fell asleep.

I haven't slept for more than 3 hours in more than 3 days.

I had caffeine. So I'm tired and a bit wired.


Thursday, June 29, 2006

Here is the house we are thinking of buying. It looks like it is in better shape in the pictures than it actually is.

One strange thing (and I'm sure not the last) is there is no refrigerator. None. No spot for the missing one. Just not one at all. Weird, huh?

Here is the way it looks now and a rough up of what I would like to add.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Yea for me! I lost 4.8 lbs last week!

I am really happy, it helps me keep on track. It is normal to loose more the first few weeks you start WW then it levels out to 1-2 lbs a week.

We made an offer on the big fixer-upper in Pelham. It was countered. We are about 150,000 away from agreeing..hehhe. It might not work, but it is fun to plan.

I'm tired and we have a lot to do, so this will be a short one.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


Tomorrow is my first weigh-in after starting Weight Watchers. I was doing so well until today. Today I ate a Cannoli. Strangely enough, I have never eaten a cannoli in my entire life. Why? Who knows. I think I tasted one and didn't like the filling. Well, Dad S. (who is the empowerer of my fatness) brought real (I'm talking 1st generation Queens Italians here) cannoli and tiramisu. I cut off a piece to give my daughter. I was not going to have any. Then I tasted the little bit that got on my hand. OH MY GOODNESS. That was some of the best stuff i have ever had. Really Really good. So I proceeded to eat the rest of the huge, fat, oozing cannoli. I hope it didn't blow the last few day worth of being good.

I have seen a bunch of houses lately. We are moving and will only have 1 free weekend between now and then. We are torn between trying to buy a beat up old house that needs pretty much everything done to it and just renting a nice one. My mom thinks I'm out of my mind for even considering a house that needs $300,000+ worth of work done to it. But that seems to be the type of house we fall in love with. The house was home to a bride in the early 1920s. She just left (still alive) at 108 when her daughter finally convinced her to move in with her. Isn't that great? What is not so great is the house hasn't been touched much since. Except by water and various natural things. It has wonderful mouldings and chair rails and a kitchen with what I think must have been the stuff BEFORE formica. (Think bright red with streaks. Andy would love it. I think they make cars out of it now) We will see. I'm taking the biggest critics I know to see it tomorrow. If they can't convince me it is a hell-trap, no one can.

I should go to bed. Both of my kids are sleeping. I should dye my hair and put on my whitening strips and fix my toenail where the nasty stroller bit it off while I was backing out of the hind end of my car while son was wailing and daughter was booing and I was trying to fix the car seat. I dont think im going to do any of it. Maybe a shower. That might not be too hard. :-)

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Tiring day.

we looked at a lot of houses. im not sure we can or should afford any of them.

where to live? I love Westport...(where we currently live, and where we will be closing on our house to sell it on August 8.) That leaves like 5 or 6 weekends between now and then. We will be gone for 3 of them plus other days. Plus Sabbaths. That doesen't provide much opportunity to find a new place to live. Westport is great...we adore it here. Only problem is that it is an hour from our church, my husbands job, our family in NYC, etc. That is an hour in good traffic. It took us 2.5 hours to get home from church the other day. It was terrible. My husband gets up at 4am and gets home at 7:35 on a good day. On a bad day its 8:30,9:30 or so. Its just too far.

We looked in Pelham, NY today. Its pretty good there, but not as good as Westport. The TAXES alone on the house we kinda liked were almost $25,000. This is a house that needs about $300,000 in repairs. It makes me feel poor!

And if we buy another house, then we can't buy an investment property right away. So we were trying to find a house to rent. Rentals are ugly and expensive if thy aren't ugly.

What to do?

Saturday, June 24, 2006

You know you are on Weight Watchers when:

1. You have been craving a Dairy Queen blizzard with chocolate syrup, chocolate chip cookie dough and oreos. (oooohhh, my favorite concoction. one of the main reasons i HAVE to loose this weight. I was on bedrest and only allowed to go to the Dr.'s office 2 xs a week. Dairy Queen is RIGHT NEXT TO THE DOCTOR. :-) But instead of eating Dairy Queen, you chow down on "lite cool whip" with chocolate syrup all over it. Actually not too bad.

2. You push yourself too hard on your run/walk. You end up puking in the bushes and seeing stars. (The 99% humidity and vitamin probably didnt' help. Prenatal vitamins taste lousy coming back up even when you arent pregnant. Just a note.)

3. You try to figure out how many points a garlic clove has in it. Garlic OIL has 4 points, but surely a garlic clove is a vegetable, right? Then its NO POINTS, right?

4. You stare in the mirror after being in WW for exactly 3 days, convinced you MUST HAVE LOST SOMETHING because this is damn hard.

5. You drink some soda quickly trying to help your stomach feel better, then you panic when you realize it was 2 points!

6. The things you think about before you fall asleep are chocolate cake, doritos, blizzards (see above) and nice things to eat.

Sigh. I hope this gets easier.

Another piece of news (for my one devoted reader...heheheh) looks like we might be moving in August. We got a good offer on the house. We never get too excited, but it seems like it might go through. Now, where to live?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Well, I did it. I started WW. Here are my beginning stats...

Weight: 183.6
Height: 5'7 .5 (I round up to 5'8)

Bust: 44"
Waist: 39"!!!
Hips: 44"
Right Upper Arm: 12 1/4"
Right Upper Thigh: 26.5 "

OUCH! That hurt. Coming from someone who used to be a 38-27-36. Sucking in my waist could go down to a 23 or less. Sigh. Two babies and a lot of Haagan Daz took care of that. My back and stomach muscles are shot.

But now its time to look forward and not backward. I have the opportunity to get in REALLY good shape. I even slept 6 hours last night so Im ready for it!

Wish me luck oh ye internet Gods...

Here is my least fav. picture of my fatty/post James

Wednesday, June 21, 2006 is an honest to goodness record of my Weight Watchers experience. I lost the weight nicely and easily with my DD on Weight Watchers. So, now I am going to do the same with my son. I will sign up today. June 21, 2006. I will enter my official weight here. I never tell anyone how much I weigh. It scares me. But oh well, no one reads this anyway. :-)

It was worth it. 3 years of infertility treatments and extremely hard pregnancies (and losses of other pregnancies) got me the two gorgeous kids I have. But it took an EXTREME toll on my body. I used to be pretty...thin and curvy and had great hair. Now...not so much. I'm really struggling with my body image right now. I look in the mirror and at pictures and I want to throw up. Literally. Body image has never been my strong point. But at least I knew I could look decent if I wanted to. Now, I feel like that isn't even a possibility. Its like a fat, pale stranger took over my body the last few years. I was on bedrest for a total of 20 weeks during my two pregnancies. Strict bedrest. 10 minutes a day for showers. Thats it. No wonder I'm a fat slob.

Ok, enough! I WILL get back to looking good in my jeans. More importantly, I will get back to feeling like I can walk or run or even do a sit up or two. I want to feel strong and healthly. Something I haven't felt in a long time.

Ok, here are the before pictures. Gross, no?

I will write my stats when I get back from joining WW.

Monday, June 19, 2006

I am so tired. You forget how bone deep tired feels until you have a kid, then another one. I can't even describe hoe everything aches.

We got DD a new playhouse and she absolutely adores it.

Im really too tired to do anything but say that.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

sabbath today, thank goodness. ironically, it was "women's ministry day" at church. the day before Father's Day. funny, no?

Its a day my daughter gets to enjoy Sabbath School, (which is all the better because I am not teaching yet!), I get to see my husband (who leave at 4:30am and gets home between 8 and 9:30pm on the week days), get a little extra sleep (said husband is home) and just generally enjoy being a family.

This is the first weekend that we have been alone at our house in a long time. Its nice just to be the 4 of us together. My DH is trying to get Yankee tickets (baseball) for tomorrow's father's day. yea. :-) But it's important that HE is happy. He is a wonderful father and a good husband to boot.

I put this John Frieda gloss stuff on my hair last night, expecting to wake up this morning to soft shiny waves. Instead, I wake up to hair that tries to become dreadlocks and looks like it hasn't been washed in a week. yuck. I fear I am on a "Bad Hair Trend". This happens. You just have to live through it.

Is it vain of me to consider quitting nursing my DS just so my boobs and butt will go back to normal? My boobs go to some land beyond a "D" when I'm nursing and I really hate it. My body thinks it must conserve every last ounce because my son eats like a horse. I just want to be D-O-N-E with any resemblance to anything having to do with being pregnant. I want my body back. Over a year of IVF, IUI, shots, ultrasounds, blood drawings, a month in the hospital and 10 weeks + on bedrest...I just want my body back. I want to wear my skinny jeans and look hot and maybe feel somewhat sexy. That hasn't happened in a long time. I had IVF for both of my kids and 3 miscarriages inbetween. I just want a rest.

The perfect salad: Dark, Dark salad leaves (preferably at least 3 kinds), drizzled in very high quality olive oil. Shake a generous amount of freshed shaved parmesaun cheese, and veggie salt. Sprinkle with sunflower seeds and tiny walnut pieces. Yum Yum.

Netflcks is not for me. I have now officially lost all 3 videos. Sigh. And my watch. BIG SIGH.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Oh, we had such a great time last night!

I was bedrest with my DS for 10 weeks. My DH, in trying to keep my looking forward and not be depressed suggested that we buy tickets to the new Harry Connick, jr. broadway show "Pajama Game". (I luuuvvvvv Harry. :-) but not in a scary way) It was for several months down the line, and it seemed like a good idea to look forward to. It would also be our mutual 9th wedding anniversary gift to each other.

Well, DS came, and we got through most of the hard time. (NICU stay, infections, fun stuff) It came that I had to have an operation the day before said broadway tickets. So, unfortunately, said broadway tickets just weren't going to happen. DH went to the box office to get a refund (my idea) and he decided to surprise me with very expsensive, 4th row orchestra seats and a meet the cast reception afterwards for a later date. I thought it was way too expensive and tried to sell them on eBay. Didn't work. So, oh well, we had to go. :-)

SO, yesterday was the big day. I rushed around all day with said kids (see last post). DS got shots, wasn't happy and has run a low grade fever ever since. Dogs peed. Kids cried. I waited in line at the post office for 45 min. What kind of nasty people don't let a mom with a toddler and a screaming 2 month old go in front. I had 1 envelope! Oh well, it got mailed.

I rushed home and got ready to meet Mr. Connick in 10 min. 10 minutes with my almost3yearold daughter throwing things gleefully out of my closet which almost included our smallest dog (another story) and my 2monthold son screaming his fevered lungs out. (And no, I don't feel guilty for leaving him with his grandparents when he didn't feel good, he got tylenol, right? Ok, a little guilty, but he slept and ate the whole time.) After finding a pair of jeans that would fit this not-back-to-normal body (trying out running words together here), threw on a black top (wouldn't show leaking milk) and a leather blazer and the highest, coolest heels I could find. RAN out of the house and speed to the train station. Found out that a train had been derailed after sitting there for 30 minutes. Decided to try and drive so I got a taxi BACK to my house and my dear MIL had my car running and waiting. I drove that poor family car (Ford Freestyle) like it was a speedster. Poor thing groaned and complained, but we made it. Just. My loving husband who was waiting outside the theater (have YOU ever tried to hurry accross midtown Manhattan and accross 42nd Street? not easy. takes a professional or at the very least a very intense mommy who is NOT MISSING HARRY) I ran inside, got my jr Mints and the show STARTED!

Wow, what a show. We were 3 rows from the stage. I could see the mikes and the spit and everything. (Broadway stars apparently spit when they are projecting...I've never sat this close before.) The show was awesome. Great songs (I had the CD already and my DD and I sing it enthusiastically.) Great singers, and of course Harry Connick playing the piano and singing and dancing! (Well, he can sing and play...he can't dance, but the other's could so he just sorta stood there and looked cute while they danced around him.) Nice arms...he had to come out at the end in just his PJ pants! Ooolala. We had special passes to the VIP lounge during the break. Free soda and a nice view and posh seats. And private bathrooms which is a good enough reason in it's self. At the end of the show, they auctioned off a watch he was was worth $8500 and the proceeds went to the Habitat for Musicians Villiage in New Orleans. The bidding was brisk (amazing the amount of money that floats around Manhattan). It ended when Alec Baldwin (we had better seats than HIM!) announced he would match the winning bid and they could keep the watch. Everyone gave him a standing ovation when the bidding ended at $17,500!

I then proceeded to have to sit on a cold hard toilet and use a manual breast pump so I didn't explode from the inside out. Manual pumps stink. But it made me feel a little better.

THEN we went to the private party with the cast. Harry was playing with his band from New Orleans. Waiters were circulating with yummy things and to DIE FOR desserts. Was fun to see the cast dressed as normal people. We almost didn't recognize most of them. We drank pelligrino and stood on the 6th floor balcony outside and looked at the lights. I met Harry (briefly) and he signed my playbill. yea!

We stayed until the end of the set and then found a pedicab outside. (A bicycle with a little double seat wagon that is pulled by a human. I much perfer this to the horses doing it because I feel sorry for the horses.) We had him take us all around times square like tourists and we enjoyed the lights and the nice weather and just BEING ALONE TOGETHER. All in all a great night.

Thanks honey, I really enjoyed it. I will remember it always.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

I dont' think this site likes Macs...I'm not getting the option to have a title.

Ok. Here is my day at the moment. I'm scarfing down the last half of the banana my DD didn't want to eat. She is sitting in splendor (IN PANTIES!!!) in her high chair with waffles, cereal, fresh grapes, milk & smashed banana. I have a half of said squashed banana. Who said life was fair? She is also playing in the milk and informing me that her high pitched squeal is "like an O". (I'm not sure that making the alphabet sounds at a high pitched volume should be encouraged.)

I have to dress both kids and take the little DS to the Dr. for first shots this morning. :-( Then I have to turn in my FIRST speeding ticket (which is due to the court today), buy a breast pump, clean up the house, do the laundry (my DD didn't make it to the bathroom in the panties, but another story)

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

I am starting this blog for the simple reason that i think SOME blogs are cool, and I like the idea of it.

I'm not actually sure I will share it with anyone...we will see. I might only post a few times and let it die out.

But unfortunately the honest truth is that I get a lot of entertainment out of surfing the internet. So, why not give someone else entertainment too?

Me. Who am I? Thats a good question. I know I'm a darn good mother, a pretty good wife, and a pretty good friend. Sometimes I think I am a really talented graphic designer and sometimes I think I have no talent at all.

I like the people I love and I don't really have all that much interest in everyone else. Sounds horrible, huh? It's just that my friends and family are SO LABOR INTENSIVE that I have no more time! :-)