Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Well...its been a long time since I posted. So much has happened in the last 5.5 weeks.

James, my beloved, hardwon, baby boy turned 1 year old. When I found out I was pregnant with a little boy the second time around, I was shocked, and not sure what I felt. I was expecting a girl. I had a girl, I knew how to parent a girl. But a BOY? huh? Did I need to buy a baseball right away? What was the standard operating procedure here? Then my pregnancy progressed into a hellish ride of high blood pressure and a dialating cervix that landed me on bedrest for months. Delivery was coming every day, we were prepared EVERY DAY to have a preemie that would be in the NICU for weeks or months. Well, with God's assistance, he came only slightly early and was healthy (after we got past the first NICU stay, and my almost hemmoraging, and uh, the bad infections, and uh...). It was, NOT an easy ride, emotionally or physically. It was, quite honestly, the hardest part of my life I've gone through. And there have been some rough patches. But the daily wondering if you are going to loose your baby because you maybe went to the bathroom one too many times is very hard on a mother. I was worried that I wasn't going to bond with him as well. I was worried (by his constant angry-ness) that he didn't feel bonded to me and that I had messed him up somehow...I was just worried. Fast forward a year later and he is a happy, smiling little blond angel. Laughs the best belly laugh you have ever heard. Gets into trouble like no-one's business, but with the sweetest blue eyes. He is part of my joy, and his "mama's boy". Even likes a snuggle now and then, which he would not tolerate for quite some time. He is my love.

But. I never expected to get pregnant again. I was done. Gave the stuff away, sent off the maternity clothes. Done. Completely. I had the weight off (well, 5 lbs to go), was back in my normal clothes, was going to buy size 8 shorts for the first time in 5 summers or so. I was all ready to party in Vegas with my honey for our 10th year anniversary. And. Uh.....surprise. 10 years of marriage and I have never become pregnant naturally. Ever.

Didn't even occur to me for a week. Tested in TARGET! That's how sure I was that it was negative. BUT, it was positive. Quickly positive.

So, after a rollercoaster week of blood tests, we are still hanging in there. I'm back on rear-end shots that hurt like H(*&! and make my sit-down-upon very hard to sit-down-upon. And tired. But we are back in the game after retirement. And you know what? I'm happy. Scared, yes. Nervous, yes. But darn happy.

So pray, keep us in good thoughts, petition. We want this baby if its God's will and it will be okay.

Today it's name is:
Liliana Hope OR
Weston Bruce