Friday, December 26, 2008

Santa Baby...
(in memory)

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas One and All-
Despite it being a busy and tiring has been wonderful.  I woke up this morning to my little ones crowding the handsome husband looking at me and smiling...could a girl ask for more?  They are all here and healthy, and I am blessed.

I was assembling a dollhouse until 1am and watching White Christmas, I felt like a parent and the feeling was good!  The fire was blazing, Bing was singing, Danny was dancing and the world was good.  

I am playing with my Christmas present, a new MacBook and it is THE MOST WONDERFUL THING...second only maybe to my iphone which I love very, very much!

Friday, November 21, 2008

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Friday, October 31, 2008

She be gettin' big...

They be gettin' cute...

I be gettin' tired...

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Isn't she lovely?
Isn't she wonderful?
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Rebecca Lilian
7 lb 2.5 oz.
Sept. 10

A new love...
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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

gone, baby, gone...

so, is a big day.

My little, precious firstborn daughter walked into her classroom, greeted her teacher politely, sat down and started playing. She looked up a couple of times to see if we were still there. She wanted to know where her backpack was. She stood at the flagpole and squinted into the sun, yawning. She looked so complete, and yet so little with her blond hair in a ponytail and her jean jacket just a touch too big....we had to roll it up at the sleeve. Her backpack is bigger than she is, but she wants to carry it anyway. She has lunch money, and she is a little concerned about counting it right.

She is wearing hello kitty shoes because they match her backback, grey leggings and a pink ruffled shirt/tunic. I packed everything I could think of, but I forgot an extra outfit. That made me cry for 15 minutes. But I figured its better not to rush back in waving extra underwear...:-) They will call if she needs me, right?

I want her to need me, but I want her to be...her. I want her to learn and be excited and enjoy everything there is in the world that she wants to know about. She has so many questions, and I have so few answers. I hope this opens up a world to her of figuring out the answers, or at least knowing its okay to ask the questions. I want her to never be hurt, never be upset...and now it's all out of my hands. The next time she crys, I might not be there. The next time she figures something out, I might not be the one who helped. She is okay with that, I hope I will be.

But she still will need me...right? I pray that the phone I have stuck to me like glue doesnt ring...that she is happy and those blue eyes are still sparkling in 3 hours.

A little piece of my heart is walking around now all by itself, growing into the heart of a woman that it will be someday. But wow, it hurts.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

so....blogging in twitter like bursts because thats all my brain can handle right now...

1. my son is flying without a diaper today. we will see how that goes at least for a little while....I never thought I would spend a majority of my day saying "do you need to pee-pee"?

2. i had my 3 hour gestational diabetes test yesterday because I failed the 1 hour one. NOT fun, hope I dont fail this one. It might put a hitch in my ice cream whenever possible plans.

3. I bought a giant pool-like thing. Its 13 feet round and has a pump and stuff. I'm mighty intimidated.

4. I am anemic. I have blood in my output. Its all such a lovely thing.

5. We might have found a place to rent. We like it, it will work. The people that own it may or not be a famous Filipino singer and he lives overseas and is on vacation in China. Sigh. Such is my luck, eh?

6. I havent started packing. Not one little ounce of box. Nope.

7. I dream about the colors I dont like that Im just sure I will have to live with and it wakes me up with the willies.

8. I slept 4.5 hours last night despite the fact that I took Tylenol PM. My brain and body are just a little twitchy right now. (And im not even talking about the alien inside that keeps twitching.)

9. I have a nasty client that hasnt paid me in 5 months. THAT bothers me in the middle of the night too.

10. I feel isolated but I dont feel like socializing...I just want to nest and get ready for the baby and I have NO NEST TO FEATHER. This is BOTHERING ME. A LITTLE BIT. YOU THINK?

Thursday, June 19, 2008


So, Im having a baby in just over 2 months...we are moving in about a month, we haven't started packing, there is a giant hole in my front yard where "eee Gawds" there might be a tiny little bit of oil that leaked so LITERALLY it has to be inspected by several different types of environmental places...and LOADS of dirt taken out and replaced. The east river? fish can't live there anymore, but if there is a tiny bit of oil that seeped out of your tank (you literally cant see any) then they will hunt you down in the night. With urgency.

We havent found a school for my very bright little girl, the neighborhood we like doesnt have any houses for rent that aren't the most horrid little things for over $7000.00.

I know God has a plan for us, I am trying hard to trust in that...but PLEASE Father...could you help us find it soon? Before I get so stressed out I'm twitching?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Miss G and her "bro". (She calls him that because HER daddy calls his brother that.)

Our family travels to Lake George for vacation quite often. We are considering putting a vacation place up there. Last time we were there (in April) it was darn chilly, so Uncle P bought everyone matching GAP sweatshirts. Aren't we cute?

Sunday, May 18, 2008

11 Years Today.

11 years ago I watched the handsomest green eyes cry because he thought I was beautiful...11 years ago I played a little thumb wrestle with the hand that I hope to hold for the rest of my life...11 years ago I toasted to our new life together...11 years ago I joined my life to my love.

There have been ups and downs, and ins and outs. There have been days when I thought that ONE MORE SOCK ON THAT SIDE OF THE BED WOULD END UP WITH ME OR IT OUT THE WINDOW. And there have been days where that Hand was the only thing I could find to hold onto in my whole world. He is the first one I want to tell a good joke to, and the last one I want to see when I close my eyes at night. He is a better father to our children than I could have made up, if I would have imagined one.

To my Love...who also is known as my husband.

Happy Anniversary darling.

Friday, May 16, 2008

UPDATE: (re: my daughter's school interview)

(we don't have any results yet)

(she was not coached in any way...we didnt even tell her they would be interviewing or anything...just that she would see a school and meet a teacher)


she walked in, stuck out her hand, met the teacher ands said "Hi, I'm Grace. G-R-A-C-E. I can spell."

How could they not be blown away?
Today it all starts.

I just dressed my little girl in her finest striped tights...her favorite pink horse sweater...and her pink butterfly rain boots. Then off she went on her Daddy's arm (literally, he carried her) to have her first school interview. I just waved good-bye and tried not to cry. I didn't tell her or warn her about the interview, I just said that she and Daddy were going to have a special time and go look at a school and talk to a teacher. All she wanted to know was if the school had a good playground. All I wanted to know was how was it possible that almost 5 years have gone by since that little hand grasped mine for the first time.

This might not be the school for her, this might not even be the right time for her to start school. Against most popular opinion, I don't think that a formal, full day kindergarten is the most important thing in the world. She is smart, I know that. Everyone that comes in contact with her mentions how smart, kind and respectful she is. I know she might be ready to move on to the next stage in her life, I'm just not sure that I am ready for that.

No one tells you how hard it is when your heart starts walking around outside and away from you. I can only pray it always comes back.

Good Luck my sweetheart, my first born, my love. May you find that the road isn't too hard, that there are wonderful secrets to be learned and discovered, and know that your Mama is always waiting here for you. I'm always on your side.

Just in case you ever wonder.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Okay, so we are pretty sure we have decided on a name for our new little princess that is ON HER WAY!!! Name Badge

Friday, April 11, 2008

To you, my son...

I never really knew what joy a little boy could bring to his mama.  I never knew how sweet a sticky head can be that is laid on your arm for just ONE QUICK MOMENT before he is off to play.  I never knew how enthusiastic little arms could be when they are flung around my neck for a squeeze.  I never knew how important you would be to me.  

When I found out I was having a little boy, oh, the thoughts flew around.  I wasn't sure HOW to have a boy.  A girl, yup, I got that covered.  But a boy was a completely foreign territory.  But, oh, what a wonderful territory of scrapes, bumps, stickies, dirt, wheels and fascination it is!  He studies things with complete interest.  He loves balloons (BOONS!), cars (CAHS!), balls (BAHS!) and anything that has to do with sporting equipment.  He adores his one bear (bah on any other snuggly thing), a soft blanket (must be tucked UNDER the arms), his bottle (yup, he still gets one sometimes), and he calls himself "baby" (although he is 40 inches tall).  He hates it when you try and dress him up, he is very opinionated about his clothing.  He loves shoes of any sort, but the blinking cowboy boots are the best.  He has at least 3 cowlicks, and his hair does it's own thing.  He has blue rimmed eyes, with green in the middle.  He will stumble backward and whine, he will march around the house complaining when he doesn't get his way.  He threw a flower pot at his sister's head the other day.  He wraps his arms around my leg and says "oh mama!".  He doesn't like his green jacket, but he really likes his blue one.  The giraffe boots are preferred, but he will settle for the green frogs.  But under no circumstances are you to put him in his sisters pink butterfly boots, that is cause for mutiny!  He really likes Go, Diego, Go! and his spanish class...Elmo also rates.  He looks down on the Doodlebobs and Tom & Jerry frighten him.  He thinks he knows all the alphabet, but he knows about 8 of them.  He can count to 10, but will only do it if you are doing it wrong.  He will put himself to bed if he is tired.  He will get out of bed all night and play if he is not.  He sleeps in a queen sized bed because he is a big kid.  He knows how to work the toilet and what goes into it, but do NOT sit him up on it, that causes screaming in terror fits.  Likewise with the bathtub at the moment, but showers are okay.  He loves spanish class, but doesn't pay attention all that well.  He likes to play outside, he would stay there all day if that was possible.  He says "OKAY" when he falls, even before you can ask him if he is okay.  But he will not be okay until you kiss his hurt spot.  He calls his sister "GWAYCE", and she calls him "Brother!" (usually with the emphasis as he has taken something or pulled something).  He takes the dog's toy and runs away screaming "MINE"!  He thinks that red is green, and green is blue.  He beats on his "drum" (a turned over box) and sings every 3rd word to "You are my sunshine" (which is his favorite song).  He has been able to jump and walk up stairs since he was about 18 months old.  

He is amazing, and obviously, I think he is the smartest, most wonderful little boy out there.  

I love you son.
My son.  
He blew out the candles on his 2nd birthday cake all by himself.  
He was quite proud of himself.

Now to brag about his cake that I decorated! My sister (ladyboyd) does cakes semi-professionally and she usually does the cakes for me. Due to littlelady being born a couple of months ago, she wasn't able to make it. So, I did it myself! I don't think it turned out too badly.

This is the kid's version of the clown car...
I have no clue how many there are on this swing!

Ok, for some pictures from James' 2nd Birthday Weekend...

He wasn't completely thrilled with his "birthday suit"...
but isn't he such a big boy? 
(This is the morning of his 2nd birthday)

"Nothing comes between me and my Pops, Lady."
Now that is service...Grandpa Peter brings food!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Baby Bean

I'm starting to feel better, I havent thrown up since Monday! Horray! At the worst point I was throwing up 6-10 times a day, and it really affected my spirit. I just was so tired and run down. But now things are better, so I'm happier. Also, today is supposed to get to 70 degrees! I love warm weather and absolutely despise cold weather. Of course, it will get back down into the 40s this weekend, so I am going to enjoy today. I was upset, they put chemical fertilizer in our yard before I could stop them. I dont like that stuff, and I really dont like my babies playing in it.

My son's birthday party went really well this weekend, we had 23 kinds there, with a total of 50 people! It was a little of a mad house, but he seemed to have a blast. His favorite things in the world are cars and "boons" (balloons) so we had a race car theme, my husband even built a ramp outside and we covered the house with 5 dozen balloons. I even decorated my first cake, it was very cute. (My sister does them semi-professionally, so she had done them all before.) I will try and post a picture when my BIL gets my camera back to me.

I need to clean out all the closets and drawers in the house. I just can't get anything into any of them. In my drawers/closet I have sizes 6 to maternity...and I can't find anything to wear. I need to go through everything and pack up the regular clothes until well after baby bean arrives. I guess I wasn't sure this baby was going to make it, so I didnt want to put the clothes away. But I'm 15 weeks today, so in a few weeks I will be halfway there (for me). I think I'm ready to MAYBE put the regular clothing away for a little while. I also bought some pretty maternity it just needs to get warm enough to wear them.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Do you remember what it was like to feel really passionate about your work (or what we wish we could do for work)? That spark that caught when you first did something that clicked in your brain? You just didn't care how long it took to get it done because it was something that engaged you...

I've felt that spark several times. When I was 13, my parents both worked in a small country hospital. I loved everything about the medical field. I loved that they were working for something so very important. I loved the investigative side...I imagined myself as a biomedical researcher or simply a pediatrician. Getting older (and several med-level chem classes later), I realized that medicine was something I COULD be very good at, but it would be almost to the exclusion of everything else. I wanted a LIFE, a family...other stuff in addition. I give the people going into the medical field so much respect, it is a long road.

Then, I discovered graphic design. Specifically, computer supported graphic design. This was back when Macs were the only possible way to SLOWLY design something, and the internet was in basic beta mode. My degree is in advertising, and it seemed liked such a fun thing. I have made a career of graphic design, and it still makes me happy to move the pixels around until they look "just right". When everything clicks together and it lines up, and the colors go, and it still.

When I started putting together a home, I started learning about interior design. I read (and still read) every magazine and book I could get on the subject. I find it facinating how many different styles exist, and how it can be put together to create a warm, inviting, peaceful home.

When I am feeling frustrated and bored, I am trying to evaluate how I can get back to those "sparks"...if that means creatively, personally, or spiritually...

Where do you find the sparks?

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

I'm in Memphis, TN waiting on my new niece hand and foot, and loving every minute of it. She is the most adorable little girl, and has stolen all of our hearts. She has 3 adults running around to make sure that she stays happy. But, as I tell my sister, she and the baby are only about half as much work as 1 toddler (and I have 2 with another baby on the way).

I'm feeling okay sometimes, sometimes not okay. I've enjoyed being here so much, but I miss my little stinkers so much. My daughter said that it would be good if I came home tomorrow, so maybe they miss me a little.

My new little bean is growing well, I can hear it's little heartbeat every night, so that makes me feel a little more secure.

I will be flying home tomorrow, hopefully we dont have the turbulence that we had last time on the way down. It made me S-I-C-K. Here is to a better flight.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Ok! So, we have been so busy, and going here and going there and the house is on the market and ....


Yeah, pretty much what Amalah said. First trimester tired mixed with taking care of two children tired...mixed with the only things that sound good are french fries, cheese sandwhiches and the occasional soup. Really. Its pretty bad. Oh, and the puking, thats fun too.

On the good side, the baby is measuring on dates with a good, clear heartbeat of 167! hurrah! I'm starting to think that MAYBE there MIGHT be a baby? My DD likes to fixate on the fact that it MIGHT be here by halloween, and WHAT WILL IT WEAR?

Friday, February 08, 2008

Just in case you didn't notice the large bright rainbow colored thing at the might be official...we are expecting! I keep trying hard not to get TOO excited as those of you who know me know that I have lost 5 babies and kept 2. BUT, a lot of those were earlier-than-this losses...we have only gotten past this point once and not kept the baby. SO!!! We are calling it a win...for now anyway.

I saw the little bean and its heartbeat on Wednesday. I actually heart it's little heartbeat at 111 bpm. It was incredible that something the size of a grain of rice had a heartbeat that I could hear. Absolutely incredible.

So, I'm tired. I'm cranky. I'm sometimes sick (like last night when I ordered a chef salad, no pig...and they gave me BOILED VEGETABLES ON TOP!!! Made me want to...well, you konw.) My sore...from the top to the bottom (literally, the bottom...PIO shots every night). I'm also happy.

One more bean to add to the family would be perfect. We are already so freakin blessed its scary. We have one of each who are of course, the epitome of what the most adorable, darling child should be. We are happy together, have been married for almost 11 years. And I still think he is darn cute. Even have a dog who helps me "incubate".

The hard things are just the usual stuff. We have our house on the market again. Yes, we are breeding gypsies (husband's term). It seems that whenever I'm puking, we are also trying to sell our house. But, this makes a lot of sense for us. But not easy.

It also occurred to me that perhaps it was time to find a babysitter. To go out with my husband occasionally while we don't have an infant. So...I'm looking for bonded, background checked, perfect angels with their PhDs in early childhood development. Oh, and that they only cost like $10 an hour. Yeah, so I'm still looking.

But whee! A new baby! Wouldnt that be fun?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


I'm tired. I should just go to bed...but its these hours after the munchkins go to bed that give me energy for the next day. I'm watching TV and typing away, and barely keeping my eyes open. I got very little sleep last night, for some reason my son has decided to wake up several times a night and yell his little lungs out. I think he might be hungry, so we will try feeding him right away and then putting him down again. Problem is, he sleeps in his own queen sized bed now. He got too big for the crib, toddler bed, full size mattress...and yes, he is only 21 months old. My big boy...and the love of my life. Well, one of them anyway. Who knew kids were so incredible?

I had stuff I was going to "talk" about...but I just don't have the energy.

Oh dip! This tv show just got really good! Be back later!

Monday, January 14, 2008

good morning my friends...

today is part of a new year and one for perhaps somewhat difficult decisions. Our family is trying to decide about some big "life" things such as career, home, moving, etc. It is shaking me up to my roots...or lack thereof. I have little roots, friends, landmarks, this house that I love. But none of them are very strong here, and that is part of the problem. I have strong roots in my friends and loved ones though, and for that I am blessed.

If I could wave my magic wand and make things change, I would. I would sell our house for a tidy profit, find a good rental and really work for a year or two on paying off bills and getting my husband into a career he loves and has passion for. If only it were that easy, huh? We dont know if we can sell our house for what we need to, I dont know where to move.

Guide us Father, we need your wisdom and your way.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Two shots of the Woodside trio...

From the side...I always had a complex about my nose. Gee, thanks Pam! I think I should send her this pic! Its not that bad.

the South will RISE AGAIN! (but, eh, without all the bad stuff)

one of the loves of my life..dirty face and all
because I am a frustrated "real" photographer like everyone else on the internet, Im going to post a few pics that i have taken over the last few days...
Tiny Little New Toes...

Mean, Mean Auntie! Bothering the Baby...
Here is my gorgeous new nephew!

Griffin Joseph
8 lbs, 3 oz.
20.5 inches

Live Long and Prosper!

And here is what the other four kids were doing...after the cake, balloons, gifts, etc! (That is a extremely small closet...about 24 inches, and they all got in there and closed the doors!

Friday, January 04, 2008

I'm cold...tired...and glad to be home.

I really like my house. It is a old, (1926) brick colonial with near perfect proportions. I would add a few things here and there, but overall I really enjoy it. It's funny how THIS place feels like home.

I however, don't really love the town we live in. We are thinking of moving somewhere in the next few years and we have to find a school that we really trust and like. I go back and forth because no school is perfect enough for my babies. I want a christian environment, I want kids that are mannerly and dont do drugs or curse, I want a learning environment that is top notch, and I want a broad scale education. I want them to teach to my kid's individual strengths, but have personalized attention for their weaknesses. Sigh. I'm not sure this exists, and if it does it costs like 27000 a year. no, that is not a typo, thats how much kindergarten costs in our area at the top schools.

My house looks like it blew up and its still xmas around here. We have almost no food in the house and im sleepy.

Oh well, it sounds like I'm mostly complaining today...but at least I went and got a sweater. Cashmere is a cure for a lot of ills.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

A New Year. (notice the capitals...) I love the start of a New Year. It means that a time to reflect, to plan, to make a conscious decision to take another step on my personal journey. I like to write reflections, but I absolutely do NOT make resolutions. I like to have goals, but I don't like to make them something that might make me feel guilty later.

This isn't going to be a long hard is just going to be one of thanksgiving and quiet joy.

I love, and I am loved. I am fantastically secure in that love and it gives me the power to be a better woman. That fact alone makes this year a good one. I know that I have that in my corner and it makes this world not so scary. After 13 years together I still think my partner is a pretty interesting and great person. I like spending time with him, and value his thoughts.

I have two amazing children. I have gone through loosing 5 babies that I wanted very, very much. But I am blessed with two of the best, smartest, kindest, gorgeous babies that ever existed. Every single day of their lives I have marveled at them. Their ideas, their individuality. They are parts of those that I love wrapped up in their own incredible packages.

I have family who support me. Engage with me. I have a mother, father, in laws, brothers, sisters. God has brought them into my life at different times. I wasn't born with most of them, but I got them along the way. They are my lifeline to sanity and I wouldn't know how to make my life without them.

I have a faith that there is a God. I have faith that I do not Walk Alone. That is a great gift.