Wednesday, August 27, 2008

gone, baby, gone...

so, today...today is a big day.

My little, precious firstborn daughter walked into her classroom, greeted her teacher politely, sat down and started playing. She looked up a couple of times to see if we were still there. She wanted to know where her backpack was. She stood at the flagpole and squinted into the sun, yawning. She looked so complete, and yet so little with her blond hair in a ponytail and her jean jacket just a touch too big....we had to roll it up at the sleeve. Her backpack is bigger than she is, but she wants to carry it anyway. She has lunch money, and she is a little concerned about counting it right.

She is wearing hello kitty shoes because they match her backback, grey leggings and a pink ruffled shirt/tunic. I packed everything I could think of, but I forgot an extra outfit. That made me cry for 15 minutes. But I figured its better not to rush back in waving extra underwear...:-) They will call if she needs me, right?

I want her to need me, but I want her to be...her. I want her to learn and be excited and enjoy everything there is in the world that she wants to know about. She has so many questions, and I have so few answers. I hope this opens up a world to her of figuring out the answers, or at least knowing its okay to ask the questions. I want her to never be hurt, never be upset...and now it's all out of my hands. The next time she crys, I might not be there. The next time she figures something out, I might not be the one who helped. She is okay with that, I hope I will be.

But she still will need me...right? I pray that the phone I have stuck to me like glue doesnt ring...that she is happy and those blue eyes are still sparkling in 3 hours.

A little piece of my heart is walking around now all by itself, growing into the heart of a woman that it will be someday. But wow, it hurts.

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